Logistics of faith

The idea of truly giving a decision over to God is a hard one to wrap my head around. I’m a smart girl, after all. I’m pretty good at figuring out a lot of things, and I have all kinds of great people that routinely—patiently—help me to make lists, weight outcomes, go with my gut, or reconsider things I’ve forgotten. Yes, I do pray about the tough calls. But that’s usually just one of the “decision-making tools” I employ.

Or is it? If I really do have the faith I proclaim to have, doesn’t that mean trusting the outcomes of things I don’t understand and can’t control? And where does that “gut feeling” come from, anyways? Aren’t the socially acceptable methods of “meditation” and “structured, centered thought” a kind of prayer? It depends on who you’re talking to. And whether you’re also using that time to listen.

…I can’t even count the number of times I have buried myself in lists and drawings and what ifs, only to scrap the lot of them in favor of a sudden certainty that, “there is only one right answer to this situation.” Sad to say, I also have a pretty high instance of the times when I felt and then completely ignored that certainty for something highly logical, and usually highly convenient to my own ideas at the time… guess when it didn’t work out?

So I’m trying to be more conscious about this. I’m trying to set aside my logical, educated, and ever-so-slightly cynical brain that names me as the source of finding my own path. I’m trying to not only accept, but honor my religious heritage and my intimate relationship with God, and admit that He has led me to so many good places.

To anyone in the midst of decision making, this is for you: For reasons I am not at liberty to share, people I am not yet cleared to identify, and potential events the results of which I am not authorized to prognosticate, I offer these pieces of advice, culled from unofficial sources. They have recently helped me make sense out of letting go:

•    Gather information.
•    Do not connive to impress.
•    Be who you are.
•    Open your heart.
•    Speak truth in love.
•    Wait and listen.

God will bring you to the right answer. Eventually.                Amen.


One thought on “Logistics of faith

  1. When you’ve gathered all the information available — most of it to no good end — have run out of people to try to impress and are too exhausted to be anyone but yourself (whoever that is); when you’ve spoken as truly as you can — and that hasn’t helped either — when your heart has been flattened by an entire convoy of eighteen wheelers and maybe a volcano or two and there’s nothing, absolutely NOTHING left that you can do, well then, sit down.

    Bury your tattered heart along with your ridiculous hope of being able to “fix” things, and your overweening sense of responsibility for doing so. While you’re at it, toss your dreams into the hole, too. Nothing ever happens the way we hope it will anyway, so forget it. Pile rocks on the grave, and walk away.

    Settle yourself to wait.

    It could take a very long time, but while you’re sitting there, watching and listening as the rest of the happy/sorry/angry/sad/anxious world goes by, you may learn to laugh — if you’re lucky — and at least get a bit of rest.

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