Yeeeep, that’s right. As of Monday last, I am now a free agent, a woman of leisure, if you will. (Some might say I’m a drain on society, but truly, I’m hoping that expression is demode by now, and I’m really hoping it won’t last that long to prove anyone right.)

Here’s what happened: A pretty basic story really. The FormerWorkplace was depending on some contracts to come in this spring. They fell through. 10 people had to leave, and TheBossLady and I were 2 of them.

This is what happens when you work in a support position, like a technical writer. All the brilliant thinkers are still employed, thinking and making and coding, and that’s considered effective and an investment… but until someone wants to buy their brilliant work, they just have no need for a writer to tell the world exactly what all that brilliant thinking means, or does, or what it’s good for.

Here’s how I feel about it: Okay.

In more detail: This is the first time since a month or so after college graduation that I haven’t had a job. I’ve never left a job without someplace else to go. And I’ve never left a job by anyone’s choice but myown. This a whole lotta BIG NEW STUFF landing on me at once, I don’t mind telling you.

But. But but but. Having spent my first day wallowing (pj’s the moment I got home, hours of crap TV, cocoa, staring at the wall with the treed-cat face), I am now all ready for action. What that action is may take some time to figure out, but that’s okay, I think– I’m up for it.

And for this being the morning of the second day (so biblical, isn’t it?), I think I’m not doing too badly. I filed for unemployment. I left a facebook status asking anyone for job opps. I spent a couple hours cruising through monster.com and craigslist. 

I took myself out for breakfast and made good use of the refillable coffee to make many many lists: Things to do to hunt for jobs, people to call, possible organizations to try. And also lists for other things that I want to spend my time doing: stuff to do around the house (setting up the office is first and foremost, of course), things to do for the band (website work, promo packets), writing contests and deadlines I keep meaning to get to, but have so far let languish at the wayside.

And that’s really where I’m at. It’s no secret that I’ve been looking for something else for awhile. Something more in my line of interest.

And–as many good friends and my mom and sister have already mentioned– this may be a wonderful opportunity wrapped in lay-off’s clothing (ok, those are my words not theirs, but the sentiment is the same).

And, yes, I have faith that God will provide for me and my little family. Not that I’m expecting a big fat check, co-signed by Saint Peter, of course. 🙂 But I am counting on Him for sooo many other things that are worth so much more. Hope for something better, or new, or challenging, or even just to be enough. Determination to keep going every morning. Focus, both to help guide my search and to recall the things that are always most impornant. Joy in the gifts I do receive everyday.

And even though I’m apprehensive about what will happen, I am thankful  for the space it affords to think, to try again for things I want, to spend some time clearing my head and doing the things I love.

A couple funny things: These can’t just be coincidence, can they? Last week, days before TheLayOff, I got a random email from a former co-worker asking me to send him a resume. I read another writer’s blog about “how my younger self would see the woman I am now.” 

The day after that,  on a visit to The Parents house, Mom gave me one of my first headshots. It was taken for a school play, when I played Julia in Two Gentleman of Verona, my senior year. 

This old version of me has been laying on the coffee table all last week, on a pile of books and magazines. I keep looking at 17 year old Emilie and wondering what she would think of 28 year old Emilie.

Have I lived up to her plans? Have I improved them? Have I become someone she would admire?

All these things are percolating in me right now.

Oooof! Wow! Sorry for the long post. I have the time, now, you see– but I promise not to run off at the keyboard too often. Shoot–I have jobs to apply for… right after a nice long walk.

More updates as we go along. Wish me luck!


3 thoughts on “Unemployed

  1. FormerWorkplace must be a strange place these days w/o you and the various other of my FormerWorkBuddiesBeforeIJumpedShip…lots of really great people. Good luck figuring out your next DayJobThatDoesNotHaveToDefineWhoYouAre.

    • Thanks Jamie! Thing is, I really believe in the idea of vocation… so actually, the best case, perfect world scenario would be where I find ThePerfectJobThatDefinesWhoIWantToBe. Think that will work as a keyword search on monster? 🙂

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